My name is Guy Bagley and I am a Modelholic!


   "
I loved reading the bits on the starting out page here on mayhem, its so right!!!  Especially the bits about not telling the wife about how much it cost, using the dining room table as a workbench, also the comments about placing months worth of work and months worth of salary in the water to find out if it will float!

   This reminds me of the 4th time I sailed my submersible, not a massively expensive model as far as subs go ( 300 tops ) but off to the lake we went. I checked everything, all  was fine , I bolted up the  waterproof hatch and put the sub in the water, sailed and submerged/ surfaced happily for the first 10 mins.

   Everything was going well, the wife did her usual walk around the country park  in which the lake is situated...and about 75 minutes later she returned to find me on my mobile phone to the local sub aqua club, ( they are so frequent visitors to the lake they have had a stainless steel plaque screwed to the wooden pegboard with a phone number on ! ). She then quizzed me....... after asking what went wrong, and the stupid comment/question  of ....

Wife;              "Why did it go wrong?"

Modelholic; "If I knew why it went wrong I would have sorted it before I put it in the water!"
 
 

S
he finally came up with the mother of all lines, and that was......
Wife; " Well you might as well have just tied your bloody wallet to a brick and thrown it in .....it would have been quicker and easier than having you faffing about in the shed for weeks!"-
This is divorce material as far as I am concerned !!!!

   Needless to say the skill and expertise of the divers meant that the sub was recovered a few days later, after paying them a small charge to refill the air tanks. I returned home to find out what did go wrong! It was as simple as a tiny leak in the pump tube so as I pumped water aboard a tiny amount got into the watertight section, and ultimately caused an electrical failure, so I had no radio, or drive or ballast control as everything runs off one master set of cells ! Needless to say the sub has never had any problems since that event !, so I continue to touch wood every time I get the sub out to sail!!!!!!

  Talking of wood, you may also have read the entry on the model boats forum that my wife is now building a topaz steam launch from the Howes and Bayliss plans, but being the woman she is she has not bought the kit , just the plans and hull, the rest she is 'doing herself'  as a former antique restorer and degree trained cabinet maker she is doing a fine job !!! The launch is quite common model but hers will be unique, rather than the mahogany, she is using lime and pear veneer to fit out the model and it looks superb so far, there is at least another 12 months work to do though, but it's a great winter project. The other modification is a dummy steam engine and boiler, ( the boiler covers the electric motor and the smoke generator )  - as the wife said she was not happy with gas canisters and boiler condensers, she wanted to switch on and go at regattas.......so electric it is.....

   There is a drawback to the wife getting further involved with the hobby and that is you cannot blagg your way through how much you spent or lie about how much things cost, she knows, she too is sifting her way through fittings catalogues. and she now says things like, "Those rope fenders are nice but ten quid each...that's steep !" I am getting worried my cover is blown !

   When you start to deny you have been to a model shop or you deny what is in the bag in the boot of the car, or you  start lying about the cost of things then the addiction is running you life....I need a 12 step programme....my name is Guy Bagley and I am a modelholic!"

 

PS.
Long time ago I got the boat ready for a sail down our lake, it was winter (early December I think) and there was good covering of ice on the lake, I thought the serrated bow would be good at breaking the ice, so loaded up with all the batteries she is designed to carry I carted 58 lbs of boat down to the lakeside.....it was cold and icy........and I had an old pair of walking boots on, I got to within a foot of the concrete edge of the lakeside and slipped on a frozen patch where other modellers had got boats in and out, the ground had become wet and then frozen....I slipped and my feet were going forward, all I could think about was saving the boat, as I went into the lake I caught all my back and ribs on the concrete lake edge and ended up with serious bruising and cuts, but the boat took a nose dive and broke the ice bow first, needless to say I was now up to my waist in freezing water , with half the club laughing  and blood coming down my arms and back !, the electronic key fob for the car was ruined and so the central locking did not function, the mobile phone was wrecked and all the notes in my wallet  were mush !- it was no fun at all
GB