Some of my favourite ( and publishable )  funny stuff.
This page are tuned to my personal taste!
Please let me know if you are offended or object to anything on it and it will be removed.
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Nothing  disgusting  please!

Take a look at the piccies that I took on (Easter) Monday morning on Fuengirola beach. Now that is what I call Boat Modelling!! Adios Amigo. Juan

Tiger woods new Yacht!

Great seamanship ancient and modern.


The damaged destroyer HMS Nottingham, that ran aground on Wolf Rock in the Tasman Sea on 7 July 2002, sailed homeward bound during a 12,279 miles journey on board of the Dockwise carrier Swan. To achieve this transport, three recesses were made in the deck of the Swan to accommodate the stabilisers of the HMS Nottingham. This modification to the Swan, and the removal of two blades of each propeller from HMS Nottingham ensured that when loaded, the Nottingham's keel was just 30 cm above the cargo deck of the Swan.

So how would the skipper explain this one?

” Well it was just sitting there and no one was watching”
" Look what I found at the tip”
 Or hang a
"For Sail" sign on it and advertise it on MAYHEM; "One careful owner only a slight dent in the bow!"

     Messing about on the river......
( and losing your job!)


You see a circle of violet dots. Each of them disappears in order, moving in a circle.
Concentrate your sight at the cross, then you'll see the violet dots disappear, and a green dot is moving.
If you keep looking all violet dots will disappear and only green dot will keep moving!


  The worlds biggest Mega yacht / Gin  Palace?!? 

( Unfortunately this is a over a 3Meg download,
 Broadband users only! )

A very delicious looking young lady in a mini skirt was standing outside a Ferrari auto dealership and spots the car of her dreams, a brand new Ferrari convertible. Not hesitating a moment, she scurries inside and sidles up to it, bending over to begin caressing the fine Corinthian with her delicate fingers, at which time, unexpectedly, she breaks wind. Looking around to see if anyone heard it, she spots a salesman nearby, hoping beyond all hope he hadn't heard. He smiles and asks if he might help her. She smiles back and and asks if he might tell her the price of her dream car. "Lady, if stroking the leather seat makes you fart, then you'll soil you undies when I tell you the cost of this little beauty."

Customer:       Worcester sauce crisps please.
Shopkeeper:  Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, cancer scare.
Customer:       Oh right, Chinese Chicken Wings?
Shopkeeper:  Ah that's the same , Cancer scare
Customer:       Hamburger Relish?
Shopkeeper:  Cancer scare
Customer:       Sausage and Mash?
Shopkeeper:  Cancer scare
Customer:       Cottage Pie?
Shopkeeper:   Yes, wait, Cancer scare.
Customer:        So they're all off the shelves because of a Cancer scare?
Shopkeeper:   Yes
Customer:        (sigh) Just give me a packet of fags then.
Shopkeeper:    Certainly.  £4.50 please.
Customer:        Thanks


Amazing pics of the HMAS Torrens being blown up and sunk.


 There's a new virus going around. It is called C-Nile. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of it so be warned. It appears to affect mostly  those of us who were born before 1960.

 Symptoms of C-Nile Virus:
 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice
 2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail
 3. Causes you to send it to the wrong person
 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you
 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment
 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the....


A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion  I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and get out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will come by the house to pick my things up." "Oh! and please pack my new blue silk pyjamas." The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. By the way, why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"

.......The wife replied,   "I did. They're in your fishing box...


Hurricane Lili 

Keep staring at the picture and you will see a giraffe ......

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid.  It

cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.  It's perfect." 

“Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?" 

"Twelve thirty."



Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.  A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

 A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

 Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' "

 The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, "You got a heart murmur be careful."


"While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight  departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose  with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the  US Air crew, screaming:  "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told   you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right  there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C And D,  but get it right!"

  Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
  hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to  sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to  go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that,  US Air 2771?"

  "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

  Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
  after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging  the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every  cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown   pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married  to you once?"


 Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to come back to your place for a night cap.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination. I'd hate to look a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to throw up in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

How many people in this drawing?
Count again!
Two old guys are pushing their trolleys around the supermarket
 when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess
I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says,
"That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too,
and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. 
What does she look like?"

The second old guy says,
"Well, she is 27 years old, tall with blonde hair, blue eyes,
long legs, big & firm in front, cute tight behind and wearing Hot pants.
What does your wife look like?"

To which the first old guy says,
"Never mind. Let's look for yours."

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

“Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part.



Crash of the Windoc
Look for the Video of the incident!!!

Ship Accidents


"Life  can a lot of fun, try to enjoy it as best you can!"

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